Communication Missteps

Have you ever sat down and really thought about the tremendous task of communicating with someone else in an effective way? It is often not an easy thing to do and miscommunication can run rampant in our friendships, families, and workplaces.

We communicate in many different ways through our words, tone of voice, and body language. The way these things are received by others can vary by quite a bit.

Something as simple as a wife telling her husband that the shower drain needs fixed can be taken in a multitude of ways. I have talked to husbands who hear that as, “OK, she pointed out something that needs fixed. It will be good to fix that and maintain our house,” and I have talked to others that hear, “She thinks I’m a bad husband for not noticing that shower drain. I am a failure as a man, husband, and father.”

These two examples may seem extreme, but sometimes we interpret things in these ways without really giving them much thought. This is also an exact example of something I have heard many times in my work as a couples counselor. Sometimes, it is useful to take a step back and reflect on how and why we are receiving things in a negative way. It can also be useful to tell the other person what we are hearing. If the husband in this example were to say, “Hey, I’m hearing that I am a failure and a bad husband,” it gives the wife a chance to explain how she meant what she said and that it might not have been meant as a personal attack.

I always tell clients that trying to read minds is a bad idea and that we should ask instead of assuming we know what the other person meant or is thinking. Even if you have been married for 50 years, it is better to ask than to assume you know what’s going on in the other person’s mind.

This week, consider spending some time reflecting on the way you communicate with others and how you perceive what others communicate to you.